{"id":17246,"date":"2017-11-05T11:00:20","date_gmt":"2017-11-05T19:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/?p=17246"},"modified":"2018-01-30T18:53:01","modified_gmt":"2018-01-31T02:53:01","slug":"the-technological-plateau-of-the-microwave-oven","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/?p=17246","title":{"rendered":"The Technological Plateau of the Microwave Oven"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So I bought a new high-tech microwave oven yesterday:  the <em>LG 0.9 cu. ft. NeoChef Countertop Microwave with Smart Inverter and EasyClean<\/em>.  <\/p>\n<p>This is the first time I have ever purchased a microwave, and I think I did okay overall, but my expectations about what a modern microwave should do are apparently way too high.  Why can&#8217;t it cook my food in 10 seconds?  Why can&#8217;t it clean itself?  Why can&#8217;t it connect to the Internet and buzz my smartphone when my food is ready?  Why can&#8217;t the microwave door double as a television screen?<\/p>\n<p>Come on, it&#8217;s 2017&#8212;we have self-driving cars and drones&#8230; why do I have to wait an entire 2 minutes for my frozen gourmet burritos to finish cooking??!<\/p>\n<p>And another thing&#8230; microwave ovens have been around for like 50 years, so shouldn&#8217;t they cook faster by now?  The only futuristic thing about this microwave is that it <em>looks<\/em> sleek and fancy, and it plays these stupid little songs in digitized chimes whenever my food is done cooking:<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ZkF621GVTDI\" frameborder=\"0\" gesture=\"media\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Not only are these features incredibly disappointing from technological standpoint, but the songs it plays are eerily similar to the songs that my training potty used to play when I was a small child.  This has rendered a highly distressing psychological response from me whenever my food is ready to eat.<\/p>\n<p>Oh yeah, it also has something called <em>Smart Inverter Technology<\/em>, whatever the hell that is.  I think it&#8217;s for making yogurt or something stupid like that&#8212;who cares!!!  I want 10 second gourmet burritos, damnit!  How much longer are we going to have to wait for somebody to get off their ass and figure this stuff out?<\/p>\n<p>Also, can I please turn these songs off already, or maybe download some new ringtones or something?!?  I haven&#8217;t eaten in more than 24 hours!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>So I bought a new high-tech microwave oven yesterday: the LG 0.9 cu. ft. NeoChef Countertop Microwave with Smart Inverter and EasyClean. This is the first time I have ever purchased a microwave, and I think I did okay overall, &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/?p=17246\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[436],"tags":[647,636],"class_list":["post-17246","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-technology","tag-musings","tag-psychobabble"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3DQCb-4ua","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17246","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17246"}],"version-history":[{"count":20,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17246\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":17634,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17246\/revisions\/17634"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17246"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17246"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17246"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}