If over-processed cake products that look a little too much like Fluffy’s unattended sphincter aren’t your thing, consider the more conventional Hostess Scary Cakes<\/em>. These are the standard diabetes-causing Hostess cup cakes with organ-damaging orange food dye mixed into the frosting to exude seasonal cheer.<\/p>\n Do you prefer eating food that glows in the dark? Well, who doesn’t?! Fortunately, Hostess Glo Balls<\/em> have you covered. These little treasures are made out of equal parts sugar, dye, bleached flour, and recycled glow sticks.<\/p>\n One particularly neat trick with these Glo Balls is that if they are eaten fast enough and with minimal chewing, a person’s belly button will light up during the nighttime. Hostess claims that this is a good thing, as it provides yet another way for motorists to gauge their distance from careless children who are out trick-or-treating well after the sun sets.<\/p>\n Too much good stuff, right? But what are we supposed to do when all the Hostess Halloween fun is over? Are people going to be left to suffer a debilitating combination of sugar and processed-food withdrawals? Don’t worry… the Hostess-with-the-mostest has the solution: Deep-Fried Twinkies<\/em>! Yes, that’s right, twinkies that have been submerged in boiling fat and oil. And what’s more, these little saccharine sludgies are available all year round!<\/p>\n And really, how could they not be? There are just too many incredible things going on here for these to be relegated to seasonal distribution. Hostess even made a Double Chocolate<\/em> variant for its customers with increasingly refined palates.<\/p>\n So it seems that Halloween these days is less about scary things and more about inventing extreme ways to activate a person’s sweet tooth. I guess it’s safe to say that the only thing scarier than a blood-thirsty demon is one with a weight problem, poorly-fitting trousers, and a glowing belly button.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" What’s scarier? Locking eyes with ravenous werewolf feasting on freshly torn human flesh? Crossing paths with a wraith on a dark night at a lonely bridge? Awakening in your bed from the stirring of an unfamiliar phantasm? Or the current … Continue reading ![\"junk-food-000001-formatted\"](\"http:\/\/www.unwisdom.org\/chadspace\/wp-content\/uploads\/junk-food-000001-formatted.jpg\")
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