I’m a “glass is half full but sometimes has a fly in it” sort of guy.

Or “the toilet is half full”, if you prefer. (plop!)

Or maybe “the beer bottle is always half empty, but there are more in the fridge”, if that makes more sense. (glug glug)

And possibly even “my dog got run over today, but that’s probably for the best because he was getting old, was crapping inside the house on a regular basis, and I was supposed to take a trip to the store tonight just for dog food”. (Woof… Woof! SKREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!! arf–!)

In other words, I’m cautiously optimistic that all of us might be screwed, but that’s okay because Jersey Shore reruns are coming on in a half-hour, and it’s about time to start planning my next trip to the kegerator.