Tag Archives: Musings

The Root of All Evil

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Hello Chad,

Hope you're doing well!

My apologies, if I may have disturbed your schedule with this email.

Chad, my name is Tom Slayer and I work as an Account Manager at a leading Web Development & Online Marketing company. It recently came into my focus that you registered a new domain www.*********.band and so wanted to check if you’re looking for a company that might help you build your website.

If you are interested, reply back to this email with the services that you are interested in and we will get you estimates in the next 24 hours.

Regards,

Tom Slayer
Account Manager
tomslayer.analyst@gmail.com

IMPORTANT: The contents of this email and any attachments are confidential. They are intended for the named recipient(s) only. If you have received this email by mistake, please notify the sender immediately and do not disclose the contents to anyone or make copies thereof. If you do not wish to receive my email in future, please reply to this email with subject as "Not Interested".

Tom Slayer is one of my favorite vocalists. He doesn’t sing about happy things, like how life is lollipops and rainbows, he sings about real stuff… like vampires and shit. He’s a really down to earth, normal guy, and it means a lot to me that he takes time out of his busy day to make sure I have a good website.

Here is a picture of Tom Slayer icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 . He is totally awesome, if you can’t tell already.

slayer-000002-formatted

Royalty or Bust

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Hello,

I am Princess Kund, Marketing Executive. We are web-designing and PHP based Development Company based in New Delhi, India

I would like to introduce you to our mobile website development section. We develop professional websites for mobile devices and smart phone, which are easy to access on small screens and can help in getting queries and they are SEO friendly as well.

Please let us know in case you have any such requirement, so that we can discuss rates

Waiting for your valuable reply

Regards,
Princess Kund
Marketing Executive

I guess being a princess these days isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Apparently, there is a very real difference between the number of princesses in the world and the amount of Princess positions that are actually available. In fact, many princesses are having a really hard time making a living at their intended profession and so they are forced to get regular jobs, like Marketing Executive for a PHP development company.

Whenever this happens, a characteristically potent blend of spite and malcontent is rendered and unleashed into the world, and then some poor fool (or fools) become the target of her highness’s wrath and retribution.

Lots of Stuff Going On in One Place

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I have always considered Ross to be one of the more distinguished discount department stores out there—it’s where I always go to buy clothes for other people. This is really classy though: an Oakland Athletics + Metallica + Ross + Sean Doolittle themed bobblehead:

metallica-000003

Naturally, this little treasure also plays For Whom the Bell Tolls icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12, which is the song that Mr. Doolittle has blasted through the stadium PA whenever he enters the game.

I was thinking about going to the April 30th Athletics game where they will be giving these away, but I wlll probably hold out for when they offer the Sean Doolittle bobblehead that features all of the above and also has a built-in bottle opener.

Creative Writing for Kensholes 101

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Subject: From Kenshole
Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2016 22:52:04 +0530
From: Alpha
Reply-To: george_kenshole1@yahoo.co.uk
To: Undisclosed recipients:;

Hello

Before I start, I must firstly apologize for this unsolicited proposal to you. I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to starting a relationship, But as time goes on you will realize the need for my action.

My name is Mr. Kenshole Geoffrey George, Audit Manager of Alpha Bank and account officer to Late Edward Han, who died with his wife and the only daughter in an Automobile crash on the 28th January 2001. Before the death of Late Edward Han, he maintained a fixed deposit account with my Bank (Alpha Bank UK Ltd) Based on this discovery, I now seek your permission and support to have you stand in as a next of kin to the Late deceased, as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the release of these funds,l amounting to the tune of (20,000,000.00) Twenty Million Dollars Only to any nominated account of your choice. I propose an offer of 40% of the total amount to be yours after the transfer has been successfully concluded. Let me have your Full Name, Confidential Telephone, Fax and Mobile Numbers and also your Contact Address in response to this proposal if you are interested. Please reply immediately to my private email address (george_kenshole1@yahoo.co.uk).

REGARDS
MR KENSHOLE

If I had a nickel for every time some kenshole sent me an email like this, I would probably have $20,000,000.00.