Extraordinary Appetites

Say hello to the Waffle-Taco, one of the more recent advancements in the culinary arts. This is sausage and egg folded neatly into a “Leggo my Eggo” waffle:

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Ever get tired of eating Seven-Layer Burritos before 10am? Well who doesn’t? As great as refried beans, ground beef and sour cream are right after rolling out of bed, sometimes they’re better saved for the afternoon and evening. Fortunately, Taco Bell has everyone covered with this ante meridiem treat.

Waffle-Tacos are not only delicious, but they are also very affordable. With a price tag of only 45 cents, everyone can partake. Also, if you happen to visit Taco Bell on the right day, customers will receive two servings for the price of one.

People couldn’t decide whether to put taco sauce or syrup on the Waffle-Taco, so the only reasonable solution was to use both. Tasting the unique mixture of waffle, egg, sausage, syrup and taco sauce is guaranteed to redefine the word “breakfast”. What’s even more amazing is that the 14-year-olds working at Taco Bell can somehow prepare one of these in less than 20 seconds.

I know what you’re thinking: “How do I get one of these as soon as possible?” Unfortunately, the Waffle-Taco isn’t available anymore because it was recently replaced by the fast-food chain’s next breakfast marvel: the Biscuit-Taco!

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No, the Biscuit-Taco is not just a reimagining of the Waffle-Taco in an attempt to ripoff McDonalds’ Egg McMuffin. There are two very important differences: 01) it is served to customers at a different angle, and 02) the taco shape is supposed to bring out more flavor in the biscuit, eggs and sausage. Another benefit is that you can put taco sauce on it, and this simply is not an option when dining at McDonalds.

What’s next for Taco Bell? Sources say that its latest breakfast invention is a Donut-Burrito: a syrup-glazed cake exterior surrounding double-helpings of eggs and bacon. This is expected to be available shortly after Jack In the Box reveals it’s new Bacon-Wrapped-Bacon Breakfast Bites, or BWBBB for short.

Intergalactic Beauty Products

Walgreens has a special right now on Star Wars-themed eye, lip and nail products by CoverGirl icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 : buy one at full price and get the second for 50% off. So if you haven’t made a purchase yet, now seems to be as good a time as any.

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On a related note, the collector’s edition Chewbacca Shampoo and Conditioner by Pantene is apparently sold-out nationwide, but don’t panic—more shipments are expected to be arriving soon.

Ruminant Ruminations

After spending the weekend poring over programming texts and technical articles, I brought up a dictionary website to quickly investigate the subtle but very important difference in meaning between the words superfluous icon-external-link-12x12 and extraneous icon-external-link-12x12. I take notes when I am studying and regard each unfilled Post-it as an opportunity to better articulate whatever idea is being presented to me by an author. Aside from being an effective learning device that also enhances a book’s usefulness as a reference, this approach makes it possible to gauge the overall quality of the source material. In general, extra work done on my part to complete a lesson exposes a book’s incompleteness. In this particular case, I was not correcting the author or expounding an idea but simply augmenting the original statement, which went something like this: in a Java program, writing a subclass can be superfluous—and not extraneous—when an anonymous class can be used instead. Here is the code-representation of a pen, the well known and commonplace writing utensil, and how it’s behavior can be changed in a computer program using an anonymous class:

class Pen {
  public void write() {
    System.out.println( "Writing with a pen!" );
  }
}

class Lecture {
  // COMMENT:  This anonymous class produces cleaner code by
  //   extending the Pen class and overriding its procedure
  //   write(), giving it new behavior.
  Pen pen = new Pen () {
    public void write() {
      System.out.println( "Writing with a pen in a lecture!" );
    }
  };
}

Like any popular dictionary website, the one I frequent provides a Word of the Day on the front page. The appeal of a Word of the Day showcase is that people find it entertaining to discover words that they have never or rarely seen or heard before. Normally this is just for entertainment, but some people take it too far and memorize these words so that they can inject them into conversations with their peers. The goal, of course, is to fool others into thinking that Mr. Word of the Day is more intelligent or better educated than everyone else. However, it doesn’t always pan out, as shown in this made up but entirely plausible example:

Mr. Jefferson: “So John, anything interesting happen lately?”
Mr. McStevens: “Well Earl, I spent yesterday at work, went to the gym to play some racquetball afterwards and somehow discombobulated my shoulder.”
Mr. Jefferson: “Sorry to hear that John. It sounds… painful. I hope you get that worked out.”

It is usually necessary to make sacrifices in an uncommon word’s dictionary meaning in order to wedge it into common, everyday dialogue. I’m always reminded of the movie Mary Poppins when this happens: for some reason, saying supercalifragilisticexpialidocious makes children feel more intelligent. In the same way, forcing big words into a trivial conversation makes small-minded adults feel like they are somehow superior to others.

Needless to say, I find the whole Word of the Day silliness to be most irritating, especially when something like this happens:

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Reading this after many consecutive hours of processing literal meanings from dense technical material in front of a computer screen really does something strange to a person’s brain, such as imagining sheep writing poetry in a field on a sunny day.

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Here is a summary of my drawn-out thought process after reading this not-so-carefully-composed Word of the Day definition:

A pen for sheep? That doesn’t sound right, but there it is. Maybe it’s possible. After all, the world is a really big place and has all kinds of interesting critters in it. Maybe they have intelligent sheep in the more remote areas of Europe..? But sheep that can write? No… that can’t possibly be correct. If sheep can write then certainly dogs can write, but I have never met a dog that can write. Wait a second… maybe the pen is a special name for a farm tool that maintains a sheep’s hooves? Okay, that might work. Do they ride sheep in Europe? Etc. Etc.

It took nearly five minutes for my brain to paint a mental image that was different than the illustration above, or one of an Icelander riding a saddled sheep into town for road supplies. Another 30 minutes passed before I remembered why I went to that damned dictionary website in the first place. When everything was said and done, I burned through almost 45 minutes of my day confirming to myself that sheep can’t write and trying to remember what the hell I was originally doing.

Super-Sized Sinning

My third favorite restaurant, Carl’s Jr., just came out with its next delectable: El Diablo.

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You may spend an eternity in hell for eating this hamburger, but it is so delicious that you won’t even care! Only $5.95* and for a limited time only.

To keep Burger King regulars from feeling left out, the company will be releasing its competing meal The Scourge Burger, due for mass consumption sometime this summer. McDonalds is also getting in on the action, but will apparently forgo any references to pestilence and demonology so as not to dissuade the greater population from eating at its restaurants. Word on the street is that the burger will be called the McUlcer, but this is yet to be confirmed.

* One time fee of your soul required.