I shrugged off the impact off like it was no big deal, hinting to the crowd through spurious body language that any other pitcher throwing at the same speed might have actually hurt me.
This is how men play sports, by the way.
I have always considered Ross to be one of the more distinguished discount department stores out there—it’s where I always go to buy clothes for other people. This is really classy though: an Oakland Athletics + Metallica + Ross + Sean Doolittle themed bobblehead:
Naturally, this little treasure also plays For Whom the Bell Tolls 
, which is the song that Mr. Doolittle has blasted through the stadium PA whenever he enters the game.
I was thinking about going to the April 30th Athletics game where they will be giving these away, but I wlll probably hold out for when they offer the Sean Doolittle bobblehead that features all of the above and also has a built-in bottle opener.
As everyone knows, Nike produces the coolest and most attractive sportswear in the universe. So, whilst buying Nike sports equipment the other day to prepare for the upcoming baseball season, I noticed that many of its products depict a man swinging a bat with his batting helmet on backwards.
This seemed strange to me at first, but after a few minutes I had the same epiphany that many others have had before me: if you want to be cooler than everyone else, take two or more previously unrelated cool things and combine them together. In this case, baseball is cool and wearing your hat backwards is cool, so doing both at the same time must be at least twice as cool. Ergo, to achieve ultimate coolness while batting during a baseball game, do it the Nike way and put your batting helmet on backwards.
In my continued pursuit to be accepted by as many people as possible, I will next attempt to surf on a Southern California beach while eating a corndog and wearing an ensemble of five finger shoes and Billabong swimtrunks. Following this, I am going to start drinking Starbucks lattes while talking to some random inconsequential person on an iPhone with a 12 inch screen as I’m pretending to workout at the gym.