I loathe bumper stickers and typically regard people who put them on their vehicles as inconsiderate. To my reckoning, an individual’s personality deficiencies are directly relatable to the number of stickers affixed to her car. Yesterday, however, I was stuck behind somebody with only one sticker, and this sticker actually brought me some amusement. It read: God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

I was immediately reminded of the only other bumper sticker that has brought me any amount of joy. It was in the same vein as the one above, but highly provocative… maybe even incitant. I have never actually seen it on anybody’s car—I only came across it in a music store that was known to carry some morally ambiguous wares (this store has since gone out of business). I think that if a person actually put this sticker on his car then his insurance policy would be cancelled due to imminent vandalism. Its words were as thought-provoking as they were offensive.

With all the bad parts edited out, the bumper sticker reads: *** * ***** ***** *** *****.