I was in Bed Bath & Beyond this afternoon buying a mop so I could clean my kitchen—truly exciting stuff.

To describe my state of mind whilst buying said mop, I had been shopping at Target minutes earlier to get razor cartridges and a large container of liquid hand soap, but decided not to buy any of the mops there because they were all really cheap and of exceptionally poor quality. I actually stood in the mop aisle for five to ten minutes, and kept going back and forth on what I should do: “It’s just a mop, who cares? They’re inexpensive and I’ll buy another one if this one breaks.” and then “Oh my gawd… I really hate shopping for mops. This is the worst thing ever! I never want to do this again for as long as I live!!”

I became so confounded that I left Target and went to Bed Bath and Beyond in hopes that I would find a better mop. Fortunately, I was able to get one that wasn’t 100% junk. It came in at whopping $29.99—almost double what most of the mops cost at Target—but it seemed to be slightly sturdy, and I am able to take the scrubber pad off and wash it in my washer machine when it starts to get gross.

When I was standing in line to pay for this slightly less-shitty version of what I was looking for, I saw packages of buffalo jerky hanging off the side of an endcap. After the ordeal with the mop, I found something unusual about this particular impulse-item , and kept focusing on it. I’m not a huge meat eater, but I do have a small weakness for jerky. I have also noticed buffalo jerky in various stores many times before, but never purchased it for whatever reason. I then thought, “Why not buy buffalo jerky today? I deserve a treat after all I have been through… and hell, it might even take the edge off of all this business with the damned mop.”

Then I realized why I have never eaten buffalo before: I have never actually seen a buffalo in real life. Are they clean animals? What do they smell like? What do they eat? Is it okay to eat an animal that I have never seen before? Buffalo are supposed to be a lot like cattle, and I have seen lots of cows, so maybe that makes it okay to eat them..? But wait, I don’t eat red meat anymore. Is this regular buffalo or organic buffalo? Wouldn’t all buffalo be organic, even if it doesn’t say so on the packaging? OMG I’m thinking about this way too much. Aaahhhh! Get me out of this horrible place!!

So it’s another day without peace of mind because Target peddles garbage and BB&B pretends to be fancy and so it doesn’t sell plain old beef jerky.