Really, who needs new Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck cartoons when you have the Disney Super Buddies ? From left to right, top to bottom, we have Rosebud, Budderball, Buddha, Mudbud, and B-Dawg. (Apparently, the sixth super buddy, Budweiser, a womanizing golden retriever with a substance abuse problem, didn’t make the final cut.)

Perhaps it goes without saying, but I would rather dance barefoot on broken shards of glass than watch this movie. Pluck out my toenails with needle-nose pliers—please!—if that’s what it takes to keep this garbage as far away from me as possible.

Also, I’m not 100% on this, but I’m pretty sure it’s because of movies like Super Buddies why some fathers become raging alcoholics.