Facebook recently asked me if I think that it cares about me:
This isn’t weird at all.
Maybe I’m supposed to say that it would be better if we were just friends? Wait… that can’t be right—friends with Facebook..? Is this some sort of screwy social networking joke?
Really, who needs new Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck cartoons when you have the Disney Super Buddies 
? From left to right, top to bottom, we have Rosebud, Budderball, Buddha, Mudbud, and B-Dawg. (Apparently, the sixth super buddy, Budweiser, a womanizing golden retriever with a substance abuse problem, didn’t make the final cut.)
Perhaps it goes without saying, but I would rather dance barefoot on broken shards of glass than watch this movie. Pluck out my toenails with needle-nose pliers—please!—if that’s what it takes to keep this garbage as far away from me as possible.
Also, I’m not 100% on this, but I’m pretty sure it’s because of movies like Super Buddies why some fathers become raging alcoholics.
Sometimes, when you buy a new monitor from Dell, it doesn’t power on. So the next step is, naturally, to send it back and ask for a replacement.
However, sometimes, when you receive a replacement monitor from Dell, it comes in a different sort of box that doesn’t have the same markings as the box that a new monitor comes in (red flag numero uno).
Then, sometimes, when you open this different sort of box, you find a monitor inside that looks like it was run over by a forklift.
This happened to me. To add insult to injury, the different sort of box the monitor was shipped in was completely undamaged, meaning that the monitor could not possibly have sustained any of the corresponding impact(s) during shipment.
Perhaps there are trained gorillas running Dell’s Returns Centers? One of them took time out of his workday to carefully pack a completely destroyed monitor for shipping back to an already pissed off customer. All the requisite cardboard and foam packaging materials were there, including video and electrical cables, installation discs, manuals, and other miscellaneous items.
What’s most confounding about an experience like this is that, due to Dell’s overwhelming presence in the marketplace as a computer hardware manufacturer, it is not really reasonable for a technologist to write off Dell products. In my case, I get to try harder not to buy Dell products, which will sometimes be an exercise in futility. In fact, it could potentially create further disservices to myself and to others I would purchase hardware for, resulting in even greater losses in productivity.
Sadly, it’s pretty much a certainty that at some point in the not-too-distant future I will need to purchase something that Dell makes. And to further contribute to the mounting dismay, there is a good probability that this item will also be ordered in bulk—that is, quantities in at least the dozens, but possibly hundreds.
I’m a “glass is half full but sometimes has a fly in it” sort of guy.
Or “the toilet is half full”, if you prefer. (plop!)
Or maybe “the beer bottle is always half empty, but there are more in the fridge”, if that makes more sense. (glug glug)
And possibly even “my dog got run over today, but that’s probably for the best because he was getting old, was crapping inside the house on a regular basis, and I was supposed to take a trip to the store tonight just for dog food”. (Woof… Woof! SKREEEEEEEEEEEECH!!!! arf–!)
In other words, I’m cautiously optimistic that all of us might be screwed, but that’s okay because Jersey Shore reruns are coming on in a half-hour, and it’s about time to start planning my next trip to the kegerator.