Flash in the Pan

Posted on 2020/01/19 by Chad Philip

Gilbert Gottfried (from the Dirty Jokes DVD)

A man goes to the bar after work and gets so drunk that he throws up on himself.

He says to the bartender, “When my wife finds out I’ve been at the bar all night, she’s gonna kill me!”

The bartender responds, “It’s no problem—here’s what you do: take a ten dollar bill and put it in your shirt pocket. When you get home, tell her that you were working late, and on the subway home somebody threw up on you and then gave you ten dollars to have your shirt cleaned.”

“That’s a great idea!” the man says.

Later that night, he finds his wife waiting for him in the doorway of their home. She exclaims, “Where the hell have you been?! Why is there vomit all over your shirt?! Have you been out drinking again??!”

The man slurs his response: “No honey! I swear I wasn’t drinking! Some sick man on the subway threw up on me and then gave me this ten dollar bill to have my shirt cleaned!”

The wife pulls the money out of his pocket and says, “But this is twenty dollars.”

“Oh yeah, he shit in my pants too.”

Supporting the Habit

Posted on 2020/01/19 by Chad Philip

Rodney Dangerfield (from The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson)

“I tell ya, Johnny, quitting smoking is rough.

“My wife and I, we made a deal to only smoke cigarettes after sex. Problem is, I’ve been working on the same pack since 1975.”

[crowd laughs]

“What bothers me even more is that my wife… she’s up to three packs a day!”

And If the Wind is Just Right…

Posted on 2020/01/16 by Chad Philip

Spanish Castle Magic (track 03 from the Axis: Bold as Love LP by The Jimi Hendrix Experience )

It’s very far away
It takes about half a day to get there if we travel by my dragonfly

No it’s not in Spain
But all the same, you know, it’s a groovy name
And if the wind is just right…

Hang on my darling
Hang on if you want to go
It’s a really groovy place
And it’s got just a little bit of a Spanish Castle magic

The clouds are really low and they overflow with cotton candy
And battle grounds are red and brown

But it’s all in your mind
Don’t think your time on bad things
Just float your little mind around
Look out!

Hang on my darling
Hang on if you want to go
It’s just a little bit of Spanish Castle magic

It’s all in your mind
A little bit of daydream here and there

Though We Might Have Precious Little, It’s Still Precious

Posted on 2020/01/12 by Chad Philip

Bravest Face (track 10 from the Snakes & Arrows LP by Rush )

Though we might have precious little, it’s still precious

I like that song about this wonderful world, it’s got a sunny point of view
And sometimes I feel it’s true, at least for a few of us

I like that world, it makes a wonderful song, but there’s a darker point of view
That’s sadly just as true for so many among us

Though we might have precious little, it’s still precious

In the sweetest child, there’s a vicious streak
In the strongest man, there’s a child so weak
In the whole wide world, there’s no magic place
So you might as well rise and put on your bravest face

I like that show where they solve all the murders, it has an heroic point of view
It’s got justice and vengeance too
At least so the story goes

I like that story, it makes a satisfying case, but there’s a messy point of view
That’s sadly just as true for so many among us

In the softest voice, there’s an acid tongue
In the oldest eyes, there’s a soul so young
In the shakiest will, there’s a core of steel
On the smoothest ride, there’s a squeaky wheel
In the sweetest child, there’s a vicious streak
In the strongest man, there’s a child so weak
In the whole wide world, there’s no magic place
So you might as well rise and put on your bravest face

Though we might have precious little, it’s still precious

In the softest voice, there’s an acid tongue
In the oldest eyes, there’s a soul so young
In the shakiest will, there’s a core of steel
On the smoothest ride, there’s a squeaky wheel
In the sweetest child, there’s a vicious streak
In the strongest man, there’s a child so weak
In the whole wide world, there’s no magical place
So you might as well rise and put on your bravest face

ChadSpace

Chad Philip Johnson's Website

Flash in the Pan

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Supporting the Habit

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And If the Wind is Just Right…

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Though We Might Have Precious Little, It’s Still Precious

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