Approved for Fragmented Audiences

The image below is from the Looney Tunes short Canary Row icon-external-link-12x12 released by Warner Bros. Animation Studios way back in 1950. (68 years ago!) Sylvester the Cat is looking for something to eat and happens to spot Tweety Bird in his cage on the windowsill of another building. High jinks ensue.

Sylvester the Cat staring out the window of a building. The window has the words "Bird Watchers' Society" stenciled onto it.

Since there are so many people that have a dulled sense humor these days—if they have one at all—I will explain why this is funny: Sylvester is a cat, and it occurred to him one day that he should join a Bird Watchers’ Society to increase the likelihood of finding a tasty meal. Also, this is obviously a disreputable Bird Watchers’ Society if they allow a cat to be a member. It could actually be a Bird Watchers’ Society run by cats for cats, suggesting that there are many other deranged cats like Sylvester who already had the same idea.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re 7 years old or 70 years old—there is wonderful humor to be celebrated here. Unfortunately, children’s cartoons these days don’t do half of the things that Looney Tunes did, nor are they made for intelligent audiences. Meanwhile, adult cartoons, which are sometimes made for intelligent audiences, have to go completely over the top with every gag. I would say that the modern-day equivalent of this joke is a South Park or Family Guy episode featuring a new supporting character: a young professional from out of town who has been placed in charge of the local orphanage, but everyone is noticing that his behaviors and mannerisms resemble those of a child molester.

Actually, that would have been the equivalent joke back in 2008—in 2018, it is the same character, but in addition he regularly attends AA meetings even though he doesn’t drink alcohol. Maybe he also practices mixed martial arts every night to keep enough of his sexual frustrations in check so that he doesn’t ever mess up and get fired from his job.

I can only guess how politically correct children’s cartoons will be in another 10 years, and to what lengths adult cartoons will need to go to get their laughs. Sadly, there are literally many hundreds of top-notch Looney Tunes shorts that are largely ignored these days, and will continue to be for the foreseeable future.

Music of the World (Warriors)

U.S.S.R./Zangief Theme icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track from Street Fighter II icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 by Yoko Shimomura icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 and Capcom icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )

Super Street Fighter II promotional artwork. [Formatted]

Japan/Ryu Theme icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track from Street Fighter II icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 by Yoko Shimomura icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )
U.S.A./Balrog Theme icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track from Street Fighter II icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 by Yoko Shimomura icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )

Who? What? When? Where? Why? (and Sometimes “How?”)

If you ever want to have good, clean fun with the enthusiastic pot-smoker(s) in your life, sneak away his smartphone when he is off taking a massive bong rip and set the alarm to 4:20am. Sort of like this:

Cell phone screenshot displaying the alarm app set to ring Monday morning at 04:20. [Formatted]

Odds are good he won’t notice you made this change and will be jolted out of bed on Monday morning well before the sun rises.

Also, I would have liked to configure a pop-up message that appears as the alarm is going off that says “Wake up!!! It’s 4:20am Monday morning, dude! The early bird gets the worm! The party starts with you! Time to smoke some green!!!!” Unfortunately, this particular app doesn’t have that feature implemented yet (but I filed a suggestion with the developers).

On a related note, isn’t it funny how the only thing pot-smokers never forget to do is smoke more pot? The rest of us just have to struggle to remember as many things as we possibly can, and dart in increasingly-random mental directions as we attempt to hold on to important memories and life details that are in the process of being further displaced, lost, or forgotten.

(NOTE: This post was written after drinking 3ea Obsidian Stout beers, produced by Deschutes Brewery icon-external-link-12x12 in the US state of Proper Oregon.)

I Don’t Know If I’ll Be a Star, but I’m Going to Play Guitar

We Can Get Wild icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track 05 from the Kill to Get Crimson LP by Mark Knopfler icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )

Mark Knopfler "Kill to Get Crimson" album cover. [Formatted]

We’re old enough for leaving home
The old Joanna and the old trombone
It’s all going on
I’m growing my sideboards long
You and me can be who we want to be
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Calling it a teenage scene and I have a dream
Don’t know if I’ll be a star, but I’m going to play guitar
I’ve seen this rocking cat, I wanna be just like that
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Look at you baby
Tell your daddy you’re no child
Look at you baby
We can get wild

We’ll be on our own
Billy Fury on a gramophone
Take you to the pictures and a dance in my drainpipe pants
Check the mirror and the old DA and you can play in a day
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Look at you baby
Tell your daddy you’re no child
Look at you baby
We can get wild