Trolling the Interweb, Volume 1

So one of my favorite things to do back in the day was go to the Megadeth.com forums while knocking back a couple of beers and post zany shit to see how people would react. The idea of so-called rock ‘n rollers and metalheads spending a bunch of their free time talking to each other on an Internet forum always struck me as funny and odd, and I just had to do something with it.

In general, heavy metal forums were (and probably still are) one of the many cesspools of the Internet, but the Megadeth forums were well moderated and had an unusually high number of quality members. It was never allowed to sink into the standard free-for-all for numbskulls and degenerates, which was happening pretty much everywhere else. My guess is that bandleader Dave Mustaine was hip to the Internet and paid more attention than most rockstars to technology and the connection it created to his fans—pretty cool stuff.

There were A LOT of quality posts from me on this forum—wowie zowie did I have some fun! I was also “in character” 95% of the time, and only occasionally posted serious responses to serious topics that deserved authentic input. Some people were able to piece together what was going on, others were in on the prank immediately, and a small handful got upset, but it was astonishing to me just how many had no clue.

I am sharing two threads here—floyd rose piece of SHIT and angry faces practicing—because the second is directly related to the first. Both were in the “Musicians” section of the forums, hence the musician’s-talk that’s going on in almost every post. I’m pretty sure these are among the first contributions I made after joining the site, so at this point I hadn’t developed a history on the boards and the other members had no frame of reference.

My handle is Ghidra. All posts were reformatted to fit here, but are completely unedited aside from a mostly accurate translation of emojis.

Oh, and can you spot the Newheart reference? Yes? Good… fortunately someone else did too.

Topic: floyd rose piece of SHIT

Ghidra

Hi. I replaced my low e string of my guitar with an e string from a bass guitar. I thought it would be kind of fun. When I was in the middle of playing angel of death the floyd rose shot off the guitar and knocked me out cold for two hours. Ive been smoking weed for 16 hours straight now cause my head hurts fukcing bad!!

just wanted to make sure no one else tries that… it aint god damned worth it@!

Manimal

Well, then don’t do that. πŸ˜‰

Actually, I have a Floyd Rose on my old Kramer Baretta and I hate that thing. It sits too high and I just don’t like it. I’ve played on Kahlers that felt more natural and had a lower profile and didn’t make my strings feel loose as the Floyd did.

SeanM

Wow. That would’ve looked really weird.
Anyway, since you were knocked it, you may wanna go to the minor injury clinic or ER just to get a quick check of your head. The weed you’re smoking could be masking an injury, which could be a bad thing. Especially if you’re in some serious pain.

😑 headbanging 😑

-sean

CreepingDeath84

How the fuck did the Floyd come off the guitar??

CD84

chaoslord

Are the three of you really this dense ? A bass low E wouldn’t fit in the bridge saddle or the tuning pegs of a guitar. Much less have enough force to rip a bridge off.

As for the retard who posted this, take your worthless crap elsewhere.

Mike Linkletter
SOLE SURVIVOR

Holy Warhead

Take it easy dude.

So what if it was a lie, as long as he only included himself in it. Who says the string even went through the tuning peg? Maybe he tied it around the entire headstock…

That must have looked funny though πŸ˜‰

BriWarsco

Yeah…I use all 4 strings from a bass on my Rose….of course i had to get 5 industrial strength springs and beef up the spring connector and put some heavy duty bolts to replace the adjustment screws…..just gotta watch those divebombs as the tremelo shoots back into place with the potential of causing broken wrists and forearms……I also clamp 3 large 10 pound C-Clamps to the head adding a beefy 30 pounds to the head of the guitar and giving me some outragesouly long sustain……actually, I cannot get the axe to STOP sustaining now……and talk about intonation problems, had to file out the grooves in the saddles and put longer adjusters in them just to get it close..of course I play way down in A….let’s not even discuss the extreme action….(gotta do hammer-on’s with a real fucking hammer and shit…..string bends are accomplished via crowbar….)

King V 1

It’s getting deep!

Hey Manimal, What about the Baretta? Is the Floyd not level with the body or do you just prefer a recessed mount? Do you know what year it is? What about graphics?(they are the only bolt-on guitars I own)

King V 1

loner92

That’s what you get for putting a bass string on a guitar. What the hell were you thinking?

MegaGoo

you crackhead. you’re not even supposed to put slightly different gauge strings on a floyd rose without adjustments and resetting intonation

and how would you be playing with the bridge (probably) about to snap off even when its not being played. and why would you even WANT to put a bass string on a guitar. i would think the string would sit right along the neck and not be able to be played. or at best, rattle heavily on every note. if you “played” angel of death like that, i’d use another word or rephrase. like maybe made noise on some kinda of stringed instrument while listening to angel of death.

man
hahaha

eddie

Thief

quote:
——
Originally posted by chaoslord:
Are the three of you really this dense ? A bass low E wouldn’t fit in the bridge saddle or the tuning pegs of a guitar. Much less have enough force to rip a bridge off.
As for the retard who posted this, take your worthless crap elsewhere.

Mike Linkletter
SOLE SURVIVOR
——

Yup agreed Methinks this little boy wants to impress us with his lil ol guitar and the fact that he smoked weed..

Ghidra

quote:
——
Originally posted by chaoslord:
Are the three of you really this dense ? A bass low E wouldn’t fit in the bridge saddle or the tuning pegs of a guitar. Much less have enough force to rip a bridge off.
——

the same thing happened to my cousin darryl when put he bass strings on his giutar. accepot he didn’t have a floyd rose and it didn’t hit him in the head.

lucky little prick

ImetMegadeth

Does your cousing Daryl have a brother named Daryl?

Topic: angry faces practicing

Ghidra

i was wondering how to get the best pisst off look for when Im playing my guitar. I was sitting in front of my mirror with my guitar and trying all thise diffrent face poses-orwhatever. I couldnt get any good ones!

My bruise on my head from my floyd rose makes me look pretty pissed off already-so at lest that helps.

GSoloist

Ok, this is what you do… Take a pair of wire cutters, ok? Stand infront of the mirror… Now! That the wire cutters and cut as many of your guitar strings as fast as you can… Ok, this is the important part… Remember who told you to do this… You’ll be making some of the best angry faces ever!

L8r!
GSoloist

Ghidra

They wouldnt cut! Now there all jagged and crooked and I cant play on them anymore. God damn walmart scissors.

Mechanic502

LOL…you actually sit in front of the mirror with your guitar making faces? That is fucking lame! LOL!!!!!!

noiseterrorist

Genuine anger usually helps.

πŸ˜„

GSoloist

Ok, this works everytime… If you have a girlfriend, pay a complete stranger to have sex with her and watch… Do this in front of the mirror if possible… (Hell, if you have one and she’s hot, email me, I’ll do it for free…)

L8r!
GSoloist

P.S. I’m kidding of course… I wouldn’t do it for free…

Ghidra

quote:
——
Originally posted by Mechanic502:
LOL…you actually sit in front of the mirror with your guitar making faces? That is fucking lame! LOL!!!!!!
——

How do you think James and dave look so pissed off when there playing guitar?! Everyone who plays guitar does this..I did come up with a cool face yesterday. if I cann get 2 mroe ill be happy and then I can start kicking ass!!! I just wish my forehead bruse wouldn’t heal. Than no one would fuck with me!

GSoloist

Actually, a forehead bruise just makes it look like you got your ass kicked… Not too good, bud…

L8r!
GSoloist

Xipe666

A good wall-mirror is every guitarists best friend. πŸ˜„ (Especially for the solo-monkeys – ever seen Zakk play? Alot of mirror time there, I betcha! πŸ˜„)

I haven’t done it myself, but once I start playing more gigs I’m sure I will find myself in front of a mirror now and then training poses (don’t know about angry faces though πŸ˜„).

As they say,
It’s not how you do it, it’s how good you look while you’re doing it. πŸ˜‰

‘banger

Dude, why do you have to post shit that obviously didn’t happen? Your floyd didn’t pop off your guitar and bash you in the head, and you didn’t fucking attempt to cut your guitar strings just now. It’s bullshit. I’m sorry if I’m the first to tell you, but this is not a roll playing board. You don’t make shit up just for the sake of posting.

Andy Oliphant
Sole Survivor

ImetMegadeth

I know sitting on your own testicles will put a mean look on your face

GSoloist

quote:
——
Originally posted by ‘banger:
Dude, why do you have to post shit that obviously didn’t happen? Your floyd didn’t pop off your guitar and bash you in the head, and you didn’t fucking attempt to cut your guitar strings just now. It’s bullshit. I’m sorry if I’m the first to tell you, but this is not a roll playing board. You don’t make shit up just for the sake of posting.

Andy Oliphant
Sole Survivor
——

Dude, I hope this doesn’t piss you off, but is this your board? Last I checked, it was Megadeth’s… I mean come on, part of human communication involves humor… If the guy wants to come on here and joke around, that’s his right unless somebody in charge says otherwise… Instead of getting pissed off about it, why don’t you join in with something whitty? Besides, it’s not like EVERY post on here is like that…

L8r!
GSoloist

Sinistas

I think it’s because of the passing off of humor as fact.

‘banger

This is the second thread he’s started that’s obviously a lie. That kinda pisses me off, yes.

Andy Oliphant
Sole Survivor

Anyway, this was a regular thing for quite a while, and I saved only a fraction of it all. I really hope there are backups out there somewhere.

Antiphony Entry 7: Eliminate the Operator

From: Dickenson Weirick [mailto:order@lider-gaz.net]
Sent: Thursday, January 17, 2019 6:25 AM
Subject: (#9053) You need to certainly read this before anything negative can happen 17/01/2019 04:25:25

Hey, [Wazzup!?]

I have a private webpage with all types of solutions that i give in darknet. [Solutions from darknet? That sounds a little shady...]

Just about anything from entirely destroying somebody's small business [huh?] to physical wounds [damn!] etc, however nothing significant just like getting rid of. [So you're saying you will only do stuff like beat people up and sabotage their small businesses? You are thug of very modest ambitions.]

Generally it is shit similar too rejected relationships [mmm hmmm...] or rivalry at the workplace [I see]. Anyhow i've been got in touch recently by individual to make an request and also objective is obviously you. [Who hired you?! Was it Bruce?? Is he still mad at me for getting that promotion last May??]

In a immediate and painless manner. [Painless punishment? So you're saying this is not very serious then.] To be honest i only get compensated soon after each accomplished job and so choice to get hold of you before, to be able to pay me for remaining non-active this i sometimes offer the target. [This is a very interesting strategy, but honestly you don't sound very scary or intimidating. In fact, you sound like a fucking idiot.] However,if i don't obtain everything that i'm asking,my people will carry out the request. [And what exactly will your people do? Ring my doorbell after leaving a flaming bag of shit icon-external-link-12x12 on my doorstep?]

But in case if we will generate deal [not likely], apart eliminating the request you'll be able to obtain full information concerning the client that i have found. [It's gotta be Bruce. Only he would hire a moron like you.] As soon as the order is accomplished,I often eliminate the operator as well [wait a sec, aren't you the operator?], therefore i have a decision [Hang on... Bruce, is that you??!], to generate twelve hundred via you, quite simply with no effort and hard work [you are the laziest thug imaginable], or maybe to get 4000 from the client, yet to shed my operator. [Hmmm... tough call. $4000 is more than $1200, but there's going to be more work involved.]

I am receiving transfers solely via Btc aka bitcoin , this is my bitcoin transaction address - 1KLpbx3a6e5GphyDGGrRfRbPgE8G5SUtD6 [Sorry dude, I only have PayPal!]

You only have thirty-nine hours to transmit funds. [I guess I need to check my email more often---you sent this more than a month ago and no flaming bag of shit icon-external-link-12x12 so far!]

Wildly Incorrect Autocomplete

Tonight I decided to buy a used computer workstation off eBay! I navigated to the search bar at the top of the web page and, in the extremely short window of time that existed after typing the word “used” and before typing “thinkstation”…

eBay website search bar shows very questionable results for autocomplete when typing in the word "used". [Formatted]

…something went horribly wrong!

WTF is this?!? This is my business eBay account—typically all I order with it are computer parts and computer related equipment. How did we veer onto this path? The only possible explanation is that A LOT of people are searching eBay for used panties.

This is an unsettling idea on its own, but what is going on with some of these other autocomplete recommendations? “Used reborn baby dolls”? “Used pantyhose”? “Used rifle scopes”? “Used tow trucks”? “Used tattoo machine”???

What is a reborn baby doll? That sounds creepy as hell. And used tattoo machines? Judging by the number of shitty tattoos out there, tattooing is more popular than ever so lots of people must be getting into it. A used tattoo gun is certainly going to cost less than a new tattoo gun, in very much the same way as a used toilet seat will cost less than a new one off the shelf at Home Depot.

Buying this computer should have taken me 20 to 30 minutes, but I ended up getting sidetracked for almost two hours. Crazy shit like this makes me wonder about all kinds of things… like how there is a team of software engineers at eBay—each member making six figures a year and having completed somewhere between four and nine years of higher education—ensuring people who are searching for “used panties” have as smooth a shopping experience as possible. This is all because increasingly impatient customers are more likely to get frustrated if they have to type in the entire search term and will happily buy used panties at Amazon instead.

Antiphony, Entry 6: The Act of Your Onanism

Subject: Hi, viсtim.
Date: Thu, 25 Oct 2018 10:57:38 -0700
From: oeaqjk <Janine@kanpurlive.com>

Hi, my sacrifice. [WTF?]

I write you inasmuch as I put a virus on the web site with porno which you have viewed. [Porno? I don't know what you're talking about. I have never looked at porno in my life.] My trojan captured all your private info [oh shit] and turned on your camera [damn!] which captured the act of your onanism. [No, not my onanism!!!] Just after that the virus saved your contact list. [Including my boss???] I will erase the compromising video records and data [oh please!!] if you send me 500 USD in bitcoin. [Hold on, I'm waiting to hear back from Capt. Patrick Williams of the US ARMY medical team! He has money for me!!] This is wallet address for payment: 1JcdSm3qyL1hKagL22z3grpVUkjX3Ez8v2 [Wait! I have no idea what this means!!!]

I give you 30h after you view my report for making the payment. [Ahhh!! Capt. Patrick isn't very punctual and he's been processing my personal information to get me my money!] As soon as you open the message I'll know it immediately. [..!] It is not necessary to tell me that you have sent money to me. [..!!] This wallet address is connected to you, my system will delete everything automatically after transfer confirmation. [AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!] If you need 48h just Open the calculator on your desktop and press +++ [WHICH ONE?!?!? MY COMPUTER HAS FOUR DIFFERENT CALCULATORS!] If you don't pay, I'll send dirt to all your contacts. [Oh please don't!!] Let me remind you-I see what you're doing! [STOP WATCHING ME!] You can visit the police office but nothing can't help you. If you attempt to deceive me , I'll see it immediately! [HOW DO I UNPLUG THIS HORRIBLE THING?!?!?!?!?] I don't live in your country. [Of course!! No american would ever do anything like this!!] So anybody can't track my location even for 9 months.

Goodbye for now. [WAIT! DON'T GO!! WHAT THE HELL IS A WALLET ADDRESS?????] Don't forget about the shame and to ignore, Your life can be ruined. [Why is this happening to me?!?! Things were going so well before you sent me this horrible email!!]

[Holy hell! I knew that midget website was a bad idea....]