Tag Archives: Interweb

The Root of All Evil

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Hello Chad,

Hope you're doing well!

My apologies, if I may have disturbed your schedule with this email.

Chad, my name is Tom Slayer and I work as an Account Manager at a leading Web Development & Online Marketing company. It recently came into my focus that you registered a new domain www.*********.band and so wanted to check if you’re looking for a company that might help you build your website.

If you are interested, reply back to this email with the services that you are interested in and we will get you estimates in the next 24 hours.

Regards,

Tom Slayer
Account Manager
tomslayer.analyst@gmail.com

IMPORTANT: The contents of this email and any attachments are confidential. They are intended for the named recipient(s) only. If you have received this email by mistake, please notify the sender immediately and do not disclose the contents to anyone or make copies thereof. If you do not wish to receive my email in future, please reply to this email with subject as "Not Interested".

Tom Slayer is one of my favorite vocalists. He doesn’t sing about happy things, like how life is lollipops and rainbows, he sings about real stuff… like vampires and shit. He’s a really down to earth, normal guy, and it means a lot to me that he takes time out of his busy day to make sure I have a good website.

Here is a picture of Tom Slayer icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 . He is totally awesome, if you can’t tell already.

slayer-000002-formatted

Royalty or Bust

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Hello,

I am Princess Kund, Marketing Executive. We are web-designing and PHP based Development Company based in New Delhi, India

I would like to introduce you to our mobile website development section. We develop professional websites for mobile devices and smart phone, which are easy to access on small screens and can help in getting queries and they are SEO friendly as well.

Please let us know in case you have any such requirement, so that we can discuss rates

Waiting for your valuable reply

Regards,
Princess Kund
Marketing Executive

I guess being a princess these days isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Apparently, there is a very real difference between the number of princesses in the world and the amount of Princess positions that are actually available. In fact, many princesses are having a really hard time making a living at their intended profession and so they are forced to get regular jobs, like Marketing Executive for a PHP development company.

Whenever this happens, a characteristically potent blend of spite and malcontent is rendered and unleashed into the world, and then some poor fool (or fools) become the target of her highness’s wrath and retribution.

Creative Writing for Kensholes 101

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Subject: From Kenshole
Date: Mon, 11 Apr 2016 22:52:04 +0530
From: Alpha
Reply-To: george_kenshole1@yahoo.co.uk
To: Undisclosed recipients:;

Hello

Before I start, I must firstly apologize for this unsolicited proposal to you. I am aware that this is certainly an unconventional approach to starting a relationship, But as time goes on you will realize the need for my action.

My name is Mr. Kenshole Geoffrey George, Audit Manager of Alpha Bank and account officer to Late Edward Han, who died with his wife and the only daughter in an Automobile crash on the 28th January 2001. Before the death of Late Edward Han, he maintained a fixed deposit account with my Bank (Alpha Bank UK Ltd) Based on this discovery, I now seek your permission and support to have you stand in as a next of kin to the Late deceased, as all documentations will be carefully worked out by me for the release of these funds,l amounting to the tune of (20,000,000.00) Twenty Million Dollars Only to any nominated account of your choice. I propose an offer of 40% of the total amount to be yours after the transfer has been successfully concluded. Let me have your Full Name, Confidential Telephone, Fax and Mobile Numbers and also your Contact Address in response to this proposal if you are interested. Please reply immediately to my private email address (george_kenshole1@yahoo.co.uk).

REGARDS
MR KENSHOLE

If I had a nickel for every time some kenshole sent me an email like this, I would probably have $20,000,000.00.

Creative Writing for Assholes 101

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From: INSPECTOR.GRANT WATSON <4w3@lalllaaa.ee.tn>
Subject: YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOXES DELIVERY.
Reply to: inspectorgrant945@gmail.com
To: Recipients <4w3@lalllaaa.ee.tn>

INSPECTOR GRANT WATSON
UNITED NATION INSPECTION AGENCY
HART FIELD-JACKSON INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
ATLANTA GEOGIA,

I am GRANT WATSON Inspection Agency in Harts field-Jackson International Airport Atlanta, Georgia. During our investigation, I discovered an abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA which was transferred from Murtala International Airport. To our facility here in Atlanta, and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in 2 Metal Trunk Boxes. The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly declared by the consignee as money rather it was declared as personal Effect/classified document to either avoid diversion by the Shipping Agent or confiscation by the relevant authorities.

The diplomat's inability to pay for Non Inspection fees among other things are the reason why the consignment is delayed and abandoned. By my assessment, each of the boxes contains about $4M or more. They are still left in the airport storage facility till today. The Consignments like I said are two metal trunk boxes, the details of the consignment including your name and email on the official document from United Nations' office in NIGERIA where the shipment was tagged as personal effects/classified document is still available with us. As it stands now, you have to reconfirm your Full name, Phone Number, full address so I can cross-check and see if it corresponds with the one on the official documents.

It is now left to you to decide if you are the beneficiary and still need the consignment or allow us repatriate it back to NIGERIA (place of origin) as we were instructed. Like I did say again, the shipper abandoned it and ran away most importantly because he gave a false declaration, he could not pay for the yellow tag, he could not secure a valid non inspection document(s), etc. I am ready to assist you in any way I can for you to get back this packages if only you are willing to work with me with trust. You can either come in person, or you engage the services of a secure shipping/delivery Company/agent that will provide the necessary security. That is required to deliver the package to your doorstep or the destination of your choice. I need the entire guarantee that I can get from you before I can get involved in this project.

Best Regards,
MR GRANT WATSON
INSPECTION OFFICER.
Email :{inspectorgrant945@gmail.com}

The sad thing is that spam mail like this wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people out there that believed everything they read. The MR. GRANT WATSON INSPECTION OFFICER shtick convinces enough dummies to respond with their personal information, and this is why it is worth somebody’s time to write such duplicitous drivel.  Meanwhile, the rest of the world suffers.

It kinda makes you wonder how 999 out of every 1000 emails are about Viagra and penis enlargement, and yet it’s not difficult to infer why this happens: lots of men—and zero women, I should add—actually respond to these messages and divulge their personal details and credit card numbers. If this wasn’t the case then a significant number of crooked schemers on the Internet wouldn’t have anything to show for their efforts. Instead of sending spam mail, they would try to discover a new way to trick people out of their money, or order a Little Caesar’s pizza for breakfast, or watch a Pawn Stars marathon… or maybe apply for a job at ICANN?