Who? What? When? Where? Why? (and Sometimes “How?”)

If you ever want to have good, clean fun with the enthusiastic pot-smoker(s) in your life, sneak away his smartphone when he is off taking a massive bong rip and set the alarm to 4:20am. Sort of like this:

Cell phone screenshot displaying the alarm app set to ring Monday morning at 04:20. [Formatted]

Odds are good he won’t notice you made this change and will be jolted out of bed on Monday morning well before the sun rises.

Also, I would have liked to configure a pop-up message that appears as the alarm is going off that says “Wake up!!! It’s 4:20am Monday morning, dude! The early bird gets the worm! The party starts with you! Time to smoke some green!!!!” Unfortunately, this particular app doesn’t have that feature implemented yet (but I filed a suggestion with the developers).

On a related note, isn’t it funny how the only thing pot-smokers never forget to do is smoke more pot? The rest of us just have to struggle to remember as many things as we possibly can, and dart in increasingly-random mental directions as we attempt to hold on to important memories and life details that are in the process of being further displaced, lost, or forgotten.

(NOTE: This post was written after drinking 3ea Obsidian Stout beers, produced by Deschutes Brewery icon-external-link-12x12 in the US state of Proper Oregon.)

I Don’t Know If I’ll Be a Star, but I’m Going to Play Guitar

We Can Get Wild icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track 05 from the Kill to Get Crimson LP by Mark Knopfler icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )

Mark Knopfler "Kill to Get Crimson" album cover. [Formatted]

We’re old enough for leaving home
The old Joanna and the old trombone
It’s all going on
I’m growing my sideboards long
You and me can be who we want to be
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Calling it a teenage scene and I have a dream
Don’t know if I’ll be a star, but I’m going to play guitar
I’ve seen this rocking cat, I wanna be just like that
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Look at you baby
Tell your daddy you’re no child
Look at you baby
We can get wild

We’ll be on our own
Billy Fury on a gramophone
Take you to the pictures and a dance in my drainpipe pants
Check the mirror and the old DA and you can play in a day
Listen now, right here
It’s going to be a beautiful year

Look at you baby
Tell your daddy you’re no child
Look at you baby
We can get wild

Be Forewarned, Dear

I Don’t Mind the Pain icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 (track 10 from the Danzig 4 LP by Danzig icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 )

danzig-000004-formatted

Remember to call my name, I adore it
If you speak my name, I implore it
If with all these things we invoke here, call you out our name—but be forewarned, dear

I don’t mind the pain

We hear you call our name, we adore it
Hear you all these things that we invoke here
If you call our name, rest assured, dear
See you all these things, but be forewarned, dear

I don’t mind the pain

I stay so arcane in the shadows of your brain
Will I come to you again?
Remember that I don’t mind the pain

Hear you call our name, can you afford it?
Wracked with all these things and beyond hope, dear
Remember to call our name and we assure you
Trip with all these things that we invoke here

I don’t mind the pain

And I stay so arcane in the shadows of your brain
Will I come to you again?
Remember that I don’t mind the pain

When Progress Becomes Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day, a holiday celebrated in the United States on whatever Monday exists between the dates of January 15th and 21st. This year’s holiday is special because Mr. King was actually born on this day in 1929: he would be 89 years old today, which is the same age at which B.B. King icon-external-link-12x12 icon-search-12x12 died in 2015. In other words, B.B. King died less than three years ago and is older than M.L.K.—the dude could still be alive if he hadn’t been assassinated.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day always falls on a Monday because the federal government has it classified as a paid-time-off holiday. This means that if you don’t have a shitty job then you get a three day weekend shortly after Christmas break without having to burn any vacation time (sweet!). If you’re one of the poor individuals who actually have to work on this day, and there are still many, then that basically means that your employer still believes in slavery. This is a loose interpretation, of course, but it is not inaccurate.

It’s very peculiar how some national holidays are celebrated in America, particularly this one. For me, Martin Luther King Jr. Day is an opportunity for everyone to take 24 hours to reflect on how totally fucked up this country was for so long, and also recognize how fucked up it still is. Sadly, many fair-minded white people regard slavery as something that existed about a million years ago, and have a general sentiment along the lines of “it sure is great that we got past that.” Meanwhile, when these same people get an extra day off, most do whatever it is that the average white person does in his or her leisure: go camping, barbecue, watch Friends reruns, etc.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day is essentially Black Persons’ Day (again, another loose interpretation, but not inaccurate). As such, it would be more appropriate if black people took the day off and white people had to cover their shifts, at least until the gravity of the day set in a bit more with the general populace. Unfortunately, as supposedly great as America is, it’s not mature enough to institute something like this without some serious shit going down. As a perfect example, simply look at all the dialogue that has been generated recently due to the increased focus on hate groups in America.

It’s safe to say that a larger percentage of the black population had to work today than the white population, which is quite unacceptable.

Veteran’s Day is another national holiday that is totally messed up. For non-veterans, it’s just another day off… another day to have fun, and postpone or dodge responsibilities, or whatever. The idea of a veteran having to work on Veteran’s Day is rather profound, and this has happened countless times to countless veterans over the decades. (What’s even more profound is a black veteran having to work on both Martin Luther King Jr. Day and Veteran’s Day!) Some states have fixed this: they require that employers allow veterans to take a paid day off. Also, apparently an employer can choose to give a veteran the day off and pay them, but not extend that same courtesy to other non-veteran employees. Still, this is woefully inadequate. Veterans should have Veteran’s Day off. 1 + 1 = 2… this is not a complicated idea.

As for me, what did I do on Mr. King’s 89th birthday? I slept in till 10:00am, watched some cartoons, went to the gym, made a really awesome mushroom omelet, and wrote this fucking blog post, bitches.